den lugna valens rådgivning

Åter igen har jag hängt på Omegle, men nu utifrån en karaktär: Den lugna valen, "the Gentle Whale". Den lugna valen var i mitt huvud en blandning av den vattenpiperökande tusenfotingen från Alice i underlandet och Oraklet i Delfi. Den lugna valen har oändlig visdom och medmänsklighet. Jag var helt dedikerad min karaktär, men utmaningen låg i att engagera människor till att ingå en konversation med mig:

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: Hello, 17, M, Canada, You?

You: I am the gentle whale.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

När jag istället tonade ner att jag faktiskt var en val och bara pratade utifrån min valhet så gick det lite lättare, men det var fortfarande svårt att bli personlig och inte bara en såsig maringuru:

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: Hello

Stranger: hi

You: How are you?

Stranger: everything fine here

Stranger: and you?

You: Mighty fine

Stranger: :)

Stranger: did something special happen?

You: No, just a good day all around

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: gay/bi?

You: omni

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Det var dock inte förrän på mitt fjärde försök som det verkligen släppte, men då tog samtalet en helt oväntad vändning. Efter att jag bekräftat att jag i sanning var Den lugna valen så övergick diskussionen till att handla om problemrådgivning angående min samtalspartners sexliv. Efter ett tag blev det svårt att upprätthålla valjargongen och jag föll ganska snabbt in i socionomretoriken istället.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hey

You: good day

Stranger: whats up?

You: I am relaxed.

Stranger: oh good, good to be relaxed, how come you're relaxed?

You: I realized problems are merely existential.

Stranger: how profound

You: Well--

You: There was a time

You: when I would ache

You: And I would see to the ache

You: And become stressed

Stranger: yeah

You: But I came to see

You: that for all the effort I put into curing the ache

You: Sorry, I lost track

Stranger: i think you've found a lot of peace

You: True, true. A lot of peace.

Stranger: must feel good, so what brings you here?

You: I want to pass on my wisdoms.

Stranger: very cool

You: I collect them in a bowl.

Stranger: what else do you like, apart from being profound?

You: Well, being profound is of course a great pleasure of mine.

You: But it is not all I do.

You: Let's see.

Stranger: i can imagine it is

You: What is a meeting? Is it the interaction between two or more people?

Stranger: sure

You: Is it spirits that collide.

You: I like to see spirits collide, as well as crash.

You: But also, just, gentle nudge.

Stranger: sure

You: Also, I play guitar.

Stranger: oh yeah?

You: Yes.

Stranger: how long have you been playing for?

You: Hahaha. Ridiculous question. Ask me something else.

Stranger: where are you from?

You: The ocean. You see, I am the Gentle Whale.

Stranger: oh.

Stranger: you're a whale...

You: True. I try to pass on my wisdoms.

Stranger: as..a whale

You: Well, it is what I am.

Stranger: are you worried somebody is gonna make you into makeup?

You: They cannot derive me of who I am. In fact, that's all anybody's entitled to.

Stranger: does it get boring eating krill all the time?

You: Hah, the krill. Well. I am so gentle that it doesn't really become a concern. It just happens, my mind is elsewhere.

You: Now, tell me about yourself.

Stranger: well, im [john], im 19. i live a pretty easy life, i work when i feel like it, other then that i skate and surf and hang out at the beach with friends, i like to go to parties a lot, im kind of in a sticky situation right now cos im pretty stupid, but, im sure that'll clear up

You: I believe so too.

You: Life has a tendency to smoothen out the edges.

Stranger: well, if it doesnt it was my own stupidity that got me there so, karma i guess

You: Do you believe in karma or was it just a saying?

Stranger: well i think if something bad comes out of this then it won't surprise me, if you act like a dick then you get dicked

You: Oh, so you've been making poor decisions?

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: here's the thing

Stranger: do you want me to explain it to you great whale?

You: Feel free.

Stranger: how judgmental are whales?

You: I cannot speak for all of my kind; I myself try to keep myself open-minded.

Stranger: good to know

Stranger: so

Stranger: there's this girl right, she's a great friend of mine and she's really into me and i've known this for a while and we've fooled around before and a couple of nights ago i had sex with her...thing is...the night after that i had sex with her best friend who now likes me as well but didn't tell the other girl that she liked me, so now im kinda stuck..and i know that it was really low of me to go and do that..but im friends with both these girls and i really dont want either of them to hate me, which they probably should

You: Hm, I see.

Stranger: any wise whale words?

You: Yes, I just need to think it through.

You: Your problem is that you want to have a relationship with either of the girls or that you don't want to ruin the friendship with them?

Stranger: i dont know if i really want to be in a relationship

Stranger: it was just sex

You: It does sound, just from the way you describe it, that you are kind of leading them both on?

Stranger: hmm maybe a little

Stranger: now that you say so

You: My whale wisdom would be

You: That what might have been just sex for you might not have been that for them and if so, you got some responsibilities.

Stranger: i dunno, i mean ive had sex with the first girl before and it hasnt really come to anything

Stranger: it was what it was and nothing changed in our friendship

You: I see. So maybe then it didn't mean that much between the two of you. But that it was also her friend probably did.

Stranger: well yeah that's what im thinking, i mean i know she likes me but i don't think she thinks im totally all over her as in i wanna date her, im pretty sure it was just a thing know what i mean? but i think what i really did wrong was then sleep with her best friend as well which even if there's nothing more than sex between me and the first girl it would still piss her off

You: yes.

Stranger: this is complex so ill use names, [jennifer] is the first girl and [sarah] is the second girl

Stranger: sarah knew that i had sex with jennifer that night because jennifer went home from the party with sarah and told her, sarah stayed over at jennifers house

Stranger: so sarah is in the wrong too

Stranger: right?

You: yeah

Stranger: but they're both going to be pissed

Stranger: at each other and me too

You: probably, yes

You: of course, sarah already knows.

Stranger: i dont know if sarah has told jennifer though...should i tell jennifer or would that be worse for everybody?

Stranger: come on whale, you know what's best dont you?

You: well

You: first thing: what I think is that there's little sex that is truly uncomplicated. even if what you and jennifer had seemed to mean nothing, it would probably means something anyway, especially when and if she gets to know about sarah.

You: second thing: you know your friends better than I do, but if you feel that you have an obligation towards jennifer than you probably do.

Stranger: i think she'll find out eventually, im just wondering if it's better that i get in there first and just be honest with her or keep quiet

Stranger: cos either telling her she'll be pissed at me, or she'll appreciate me being honest...or i dont tell her and she thinks im a lying asshole

You: it's better that you tell her. it won't hurt her less, but at least she'll see that you have spine enough to stand up for your actions. it sounds like she deserves it too.

Stranger: will that make her more pissed at sarah for not telling her though?

You: now that's a difficult question.

Stranger: i dont wanna make her more mad at sarah

You: I mean, she can't hear it the first time from both you, right.

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: maybe i'll call sarah, ask if she's told her, and then ask sarah if she wants to tell her or thinks i should

You: sounds like a good idea.

You: don't gang up on jennifer though.

Stranger: no, definitely not, that would be super awkward, i dont wanna seem like im playing teams

Stranger: it's just that jennifer's the only one who needs to know something that she doesnt, if it was sarah that didn't know i'd feel the same way, im not playing sarahs team, im just being honest with a friend who i havnt been honest with

You: yeah

Stranger: i dont feel more loyal to either of them then the other

You: right.

You: be prepared to not downplay jennifer's reaction. some guys might think that they deserve a free pass for being honest.

You: but honesty is really about standing up yourself here, it is not retribution in itself.

Stranger: yeah..i mean i kind of expect maybe a few little points for being honest, but she's probably gonna be pissed at me

You: yeah.

You: very well. I have to float on.

Stranger: thanks for helping me, i actually feel better even though i just spilled my guts to somebody i only know as a whale

Stranger: are you gonna tell me anything real about you after all that?

Stranger: it'd be nice to know

You: do you feel like you deserve it after being so honest?

You: yeah, probably.

You: my name is Sebastian.

Stranger: lol, i don't deserve anything, you just listened to me complain about me being a jerk for the last half hour

Stranger: well sebastian, thank you

Stranger: you're a great listener

You: thank you. good luck in the future. and stay true to your friends.

Stranger: will do, im gonna head over to sarahs house and, then possibly on to jennifers today, get this shit cleared up

You: good. see you!

Stranger: bye bye